SASHES AND TIARAS.....My Ten LEAST FAVORITE Gowns, Gown Disappointments of Miss Universe 2015 Preliminaries + a "Special Gown" Mention

SASHES AND TIARAS.....My Ten LEAST FAVORITE Gowns, Gown Disappointments of Miss Universe 2015 Preliminaries + a "Special Gown" Mention

The Sale Rack: Some of Least Favorite Gowns seen at the Miss Universe 2015 Preliminaries

In my last post HERE, I discussed the Top 15 Best Gowns (in my humble opinion) from this past Thursday's Miss Universe 2015 Preliminary Competition. I have to say that for the most part, there were a lot of Good gowns--out of the 80 on display, worn by the beauties from all over the world, there weren't too many cray-cray ones. But...there were some. So, I've compiled a list of my TEN LEAST FAVORITE gowns from the Miss Universe 2015 Preliminaries. Either for the lack of "gown funds" in each national pageant's organization, or lack of taste level, or just lacking anything resembling what a top Hollywood actress and/or model would wear to an important red carpet event, these were among some of the reasons why these ended up here... 

At the end, I also included a couple gowns which disappointed me, especially because the candidates wearing them are A) considered favorites and B) I expected more; plus a "Special Gown Mention"...



The Oh Dear! Gowns:

Miss Guatemala Jeimmy Aburto: Cha-cha Queen Meets Quinciniera. If the rather garish fuchsia-pink sequins weren't enough, somehow the designer decided that it needed more as in clown-like bias hemmed ruffles at the bottom plus nude netting and then let's just do silver diamantes to fill in the space....This would be fun if it was a Gay pride Float for Drag Queen Mermaids. But it isn't.

Score: 5.00

Miss Japan Ariana Miyamoto: Star Trek Meets a Trashy AVN Awards. I just don't know why such a pretty girl would do this to herself; or make such a lack of taste level judgement. I just do not get it, the real point of the Evening Gown Competition--besides having the judge see their "poise" and "elegance", it is also to see if they have a level of taste. After all, if you are the new Miss Universe, you'll be walking many Red Carpets, and you don't want to end up on the WORST List. Here, with this gold high side-slit pleather concoction with black and white printed chiffon back details, Miss Universe Japan failed. I am soooo confused.

Score: 6.00

Miss Bulgaria Radostina Todorova: Ah, as they say in the South: "Bless Her Heart". Which really translates to "GURL! You are a Mess!". This is sweet and cute, if she was 18 and it was a New Year's Eve Dance in Missouri. But it ain't, it's THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT! The dress looks off-the-rack, cheap, it's too short...well, I'll just stop there. I, at least, give her points for wearing strappy heels and not those clunky platform heels.

Score: 6.00

Miss Montenegro Maja Cukic: I'll give Miss Universe Montenegro the benefit of the doubt and say that she was going for a more "Artsy" look--or at least the designer was. Here's a suggestion: DON'T. The top looks as if a nasty cat got to it while she was away and the skirt is "meh" and then she wore RED SHOES with this? Oh Dear!

Score: 6.00

Miss Albania Megi Luka: Megi looks very pretty. She's got an angelic, gorgeous face so part of me understands her choosing such a "sweet" gown but at the same time, I would have loved to have seen her in something more red carpet sexy fab. This velvet dress is more appropriate as a costume for Rome & Juliet.

Score: 6.25

Miss Hungary Nikoletta Nagy: I love canary yellow but the combination of the bright satin, with the gold lace and then gold sequins and the (yeah, there's more!), crystal straps in the front torso...it's all a bit cheap-looking and Tacky-licious. It's also very Quincieniera "Ayyy Mija!".

Score: 6.00

Miss Norway Martine Rodseth: This silver sequined and red crepe halter gown is not bad, it's just dated and not exciting. This is a gown one could find at an "After Five" section of a local department store and perfect for a Mother-of-the-Bride, or guest at the wedding. But not Fashion Fab or Couture enough for the Miss Universe pageant.

Score: 6.00

Miss Slovak Republic Denisa Vysnovska: Interestingly enough, this blue strapless ball gown was also her "national costume" (photo above from the Miss Universe 2015 National Costume Presentation); she just added some extra trim and a flowered headdress. This gown looks sweet but sweet is not enough. It also looks very polyester-y and that lace trim is better for grandma's tablecloth.

Score: 6.25

Miss Serbia Dasa Radosavljevic: This gold sequin dress is fine if you are a background dancer at a Cruise Ship's Dinner Theater show, but it looks cheap and tacky for Miss Universe. I could find this fabric for $2.99/yard in Downtown LA. That's not a good thing.

Score: 5.00

Miss Bolivia Romina Rocamonje: On a good note, this red satin with sequin side applique looks expensive and well made. But it's just Too-Mucheey for Romina. The back pouf overskirt was distracting as she walked onstage and frankly unnecessary in terms of design.. And then, there are those UBER platform pumps!!! Those SCARE me and bring memories of Naomi Campbell falling down on the Vivienne Westwood runway show back in 1993.

Score: 6.75

Could Have Been Better Gowns---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've selected the following two ladies--and their gowns--because these two--Miss Italy and Miss Venezuela--are two favorites for the Miss Universe 2015 crown (according to beauty pageant followers/fans) and I was just a bit surprised that their choice of gowns weren't impacting or couture-strong enough. I just expected more "Wow!".

Miss Italy Giada Pezzaioli: This wasn't a bad gown, it was just a bit too busy and confusing and instead of highlighting Giada and how stunning and model-like she is, she got lost in the gown and it almost aged her as well. I also just didn't understand the back olive-and-black "capes" and how that went with the black and nude sequin applique gown; it didn't make sense and also looked like an afterthought and an addition that shouldn't have been added.

Miss Venezuela Mariana Jimenez: I loved the color of this gown and the gorgeous ombre-like sequined degrade. The gown also fit well and was the perfect length. But...I just expected more "Wow!". This gown just didn't get my "Couture Heart" beating as some of the usual Miss Venezuela gowns do. I also wasn't a fan of her styling--the hair looked a little too "Pageant Pretty" and slightly late 90's dated.



Special Gown Mention for Originality-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miss Sweden Paulina Brodd: Now, I know what you may be thinking: "Has Nick lost his gown mind??" No, I haven't. I kinda like this gown, I admit, mainly for the fact that the sequin applique/print/colors were very striking and it was one of the most original gown styles from the Miss Universe 2015 Evening Gown Preliminary Competition. I get that this could be considered a tad Cray-Cray but it's Good Cray-cray, at least in my eyes!

Pageant Minute: Miss World 2012--World Fashion Designer Award Competition--The "Oh Dear"!!!

Pageant Minute: Miss World 2012--World Fashion Designer Award Competition--The "Oh Dear"!!!

Beauty Pageant Evening Gown "Oh Dear"!

Where Is Miss Mongolia On This List? Keep Reading...

If you're an avid pageant-watcher (and if you are reading this, you probably are), you know that the 62nd Annual Miss World contest is happening in Ordos Inner Mongolia China and the Final Live Telecast will take place in a couple of weeks on August 18th.

Well kids, it's here--my Nick "Oh Dear, What was SHE Thinking?" List of Gowns from last week's Miss World 2012 "World Fashion Designer Award Competition. In the last post here on my little ol' blog, I talked about some of my favorites in the bunch. So, now...let's get to the CHA CHA, too-high SLITS, Is-This-a-National-Costume-or-an-Evening Gown?, "Big Bird" inspired Feathered MESSES:



Cha Cha Queens:

Miss Costa Rica Silvana Sanchez: No, no and NO! (I think that is UNIVERSAL in every language). I want to put a big banana-and-pineaple Carmen Miranda turban atop her head to just finish this ensemble off. That's what she is missing. Score: 4.5 (out of 10 in case you are wondering)

Miss Bosnia and Herzegovina Fikreta Husic: Havana Cuba, here I come!! Or is it Rio?? Remove those tacky hem-piped ruffles on that over-the-shoulder capelet and change those 1988 pumps, and then, maybe then, we can discuss...Score: 5.0

Miss Serbia Bojana Lecic: OK, first off: she's GORGEOUS. But this gown. Who. Puts. WIRING on the hem of a ruffled high-low gown like this? She's not a Circus Clown from Cirque du Soleil! And then, what is hanging off her shoulder? It's called EDIT! How do you say "Poor Thang" in Serbian? Score: 4.9

Miss Bulgaria Gabriela Vasileva: Little PEACH Bo Peep Stripper Fab. That's what I would call this dress. Last year's Miss World, Ivian Sarcos of Venezuela, won in something that was (somewhat) similar to this, so she probably felt "Hey, I want something like this" and told her designer to create it. Bad idea. The oversized earrings and stripper platform heels did not help. Score: 5.5



The HOOCHIE Awards Go To:

Paris and Snookie: Miss Kazakhstan and Miss Belgium

First, let's begin with Miss Kazakhstan Evgeniya Kleshina (left pic above). This red lace and feathered mermaid-style gown with silver bust cups is a HOOCHIE fab. It's NOT the Las Vegas AVN Porn Awards huney, it's MISS WORLD! Those platform heels SLAY me. So tacky. Score: 4.5



Miss Belgium Laura Beyne: I'm sure Laura is a sweet girl but why did she think Snookie from Jersey Shore was an Evening Gown Muse?  I cannot say more. Score: 4.9

She Didn't Even Try Award Miss Slovakia Kristina Krajcirova: Poly-satin strapless gathered gown with badly-constructed rippling hem.This is a gown one would see at a prom-and-bridal shop, for 75% off. Score: 4.5


  

Too Muchey Award Miss Honduras Jennifer Valle: Let's just throw everything AND the kitchen sink...into a gown. Can you just imagine if this ended up on the Project Runway catwalk in front of Michael Kors and Nina Garcia? Or on an award show red carpet? Plain and simple, it's CHONCHEE! (Latino for TACKY!). Score: 4.9



Feathered Messes:

Guadeloupe and El Salvador

Miss Guadeloupe Brigitte Golabkhan (left): is so beautiful I can't even breathe. However, she chooses to wear this black and magenta satin and feathered concoction of a gown to the Miss World "World Fashion Designer Award" Competition last week, and well, her beauty stock for me, just went down. Score: 5.2



Miss El Salvador Maria Luisa Vicuna (right): Too much lace, too many feathers, and then the mermaid shape. She was trying for a Beyonce-at-the-Met and well, she achieved a gown in a San Salvador Drag Show. Score: 5.0

The Bahamas and Ukraine

Miss Bahamas Daronique Young (left): I give her points for the "I'm a Mermaid Princess" look. She does look kinda HOT in this two piece ensemble. But, isn't this more of a costume than an evening gown? How many peacocks did it take to make this gown? Score: 6.0



Miss Ukraine Karina Zhyronkina (right): Let me begin by saying that she is STUNNING! She should either win Miss World 2012 or at least be on the Final podium (it's like the Pageant Olympics!). But this gown. There's something both beautiful (the sequin detail looks expensive and I like the black and blue color combination) but...the feather applique and side cut-outs on the torso, it all adds to a dress one would see atop a Gay Pride float. Score: 7.0

Rosette Queens: Indonesia and Uganda

Miss Indonesia Ines Putri Tjiptadi Chandra: If this gown was placed in front of Michael Kors on Project Runway, he'd say she looked like she was POOPING feathered rosettes. Score: 4.8



Miss Uganda Phiona Bissu:  Awww, bless her little heart. Miss Uganda's gown reminds me of those dresses that are made entirely of toilet paper... I really wish there was something more I could say. Score: 4.5



National Costume Awards:

Miss Kenya Shamim Nabil: OK, maybe I am confused. I know that the Miss World "World Fashion Designer Award" is about highlighting the fashion design talent of the contestant's nations. So...is this also the National Parade of Nations Costume Parade? Can it be too redundant for a "Miss Kenya" to be wearing animal print safari as an evening gown? I think even the safari tourists would run away from this. Score: 5.0

Miss Cote d'Ivoire Helene-Valerie Djouka: Because she looks so darn cute, I am giving her points. Otherwise, on any one else, this still would be a pseudo-costume mess of an orange dress. And is that an iridescent poly organza overlay?? NOOOO!!!! Score: 6.4



And My Favorite of the Group:

Miss Mongolia Bayaarma Huselbaatar: I don't even know where to begin with this one. But I'll try. Bayaarma gets MAJAH "Nick Points" in the "Bringing Out Your Inner Drag Queen" part of working a runway catwalk. This gown/costume is rather FAB in a kooky way. The headdress is very John Galliano for Dior "Tutankhamen" Collection from back in the day.  

For ALL of this, I give her my Score of 8.0. It's a MESS but a mess that makes a gay man smile.

Miss USA 2011 Evening Gown Portrait Photos: The "Miss Messes" And Why...

Miss USA 2011 Evening Gown Portrait Photos: The "Miss Messes" And Why...

Too-High Slits, Stripper Heels, Cruella De Vil Hair, Gay Pride Parade Drag Queens and Anchor Tattoos??? Seriously...It's The Miss USA 2011 Evening Gown Portraits!!!!!

Well, kids, it's Beauty Pageant Time once again! And I, for one, am THRILLED! The Miss USA 2011 Pageant will air on June 19th (PM (EST) LIVE from Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas Nevada. The 51 contestants have already arrived from all over the country to have their fittings, begin rehearsals, photo-ops and get generally ready for the Final Night. As always, the Miss USA website puts up photos of the contestants in their Swimsuits and Evening Gowns--the "Evening Gown Portraits". Now, these are NOT necessarily the actual FINAL Gowns they will wear on the FINAL night (A LOT, reserve a "very special" gown for that!). But still, it does give a good indication of their "taste level" and well, how "Gown-Savvy" and "Not-So-Gown-Savvy" these women are. So, even though these ARE NOT NECESSARILY the Final Gowns they will wear on the Telecast if they make it to the Top, I still have to give my "Nick Beauty Pageant Gown Two Cents"...

We will begin with "The Miss Messes":

Miss Maine USA: Bless her heart! Miss Maine USA Ashley Lynn-Marble. One question: WHY oh WHY, the Cruella De Vil Hair?? I mean, really. Also, she's so pretty (and only 27 years old) but with this "Mother-of-the-Bride" halter-style sequin-embroidered gown--plus that hair and make-up--she looks like a 42 year old "Real Housewife of Orange County"! And she HAD to add the earrings AND the TWO--not just ONE--crystal bracelet/cuffs. Overkill darlin'
Miss Massachusetts USA: The lovely Alida D'Angona, Miss Massachusetts USA, took the whole "I-Love-Me-A-Slit" thing to an ENTIRE new level! And by that, she actually TOOK her slit to a NEW LEVEL: To the Empire Waist!! Check that out in the above photo. It wasn't enough that the SLIT already goes up to her nether-regions but then, the designer--or her--decide "Nope, let's just take that slit up to my Under-Bust". At least they added a sheer-and-sequined panel to add a little more "Klass". Yes, with a Capital "K". Part of me feels like I would LOVE to have many a Di Saronno "on the rocks" with her!

Miss Delaware USA: Oh HUNEY. At a brief first glance of this photo, I actually thought Katie Hanson, Miss Delaware USA was holding up her dress and her boobie area (sorry for the Kindergarten-speak). But then, I realized, nope, she's just caressing her hair. Um...OK. But let's discuss the gown: Baby Blue, Strapless, Sequins, Shirring, Chiffon, AND FEATHERS!!! Wow. Why do I feel like she's about to take it all off and do a Dita Von Teese "Feathered Fan Dance"? Also, Ladies, Strapless gowns are NOT made for BIG BREASTED ladies. Why do you wear them? When you do, the above happens, it begins to slip down and looks far too low on the torso area. Lesson No. 56: A Strapless gown should really begin about 1"- 1 1/2" below the armpit area (at the side) NOT THREE inches (Note to Miss Massachusetts also).

Miss Arizona USA: Well Well Well. Look what we've got here on Miss Arizona USA Brittany Dawn Brannon. Correct me if I'm wrong but is her TRAIN longer than the one on the former Kate Middleton-now-Catherine Duchess of Cambridge's wedding gown??? There is NO REASON for a gown like this to have a "Cathedral Train". None. There is FAR too much polyester charmeuse up in there. All I wanna do is get some Chardonnay, Artisanal Cheeses, sit down and set up a picnic on top of it!

Miss Michigan USA: One Word: Grrrrrr!!!! The UBER gorgeous (and one of my current faves-just look at that face!) Channing Pierce is not doing herself any favors by wearing this animal-print lingerie-inspired dress to her "Miss USA Evening Gown Portrait". It's very Cavalli-meets-Trashy Lingerie. The one good thing is that at least she kept the hair and make-up soft and not over-done. At least she still looked 24, not 44 (like some of the other lovely contestants).

Miss Rhode Island USA: Kate McCaughey's gown is very "Pageant 101", I've seen this one too many times in Downtown LA at those Pageant-Prom-Quinceañera shops. Nothing against it, "Safe Pageant" you might say. But what I do have a hoot-and-holler time with is...(Look up above, yes at her feet!) Is she showing us her ANCHOR TATTOO??? And why? At first I looked down there because of those over-the-top sequin strappy platforms, but then I was distracted--by THE TATTOO!! Oh Huney. Let me guess, she either:
A) loves sailing
B) her father is a Captain of a boat
C) Her boyfriend is a Marine or
D) Someone went on a Cruise to Cabo and this is what happened.
Either way, not "Miss USA Evening Gown Portrait" appropriate. Save this for your audition at "Scores".

Miss Nevada USA: I've saved the BEST "Miss Mess" for last. And the Winner is...Miss Nevada USA, Sarah Chapman!! Let's just begin with the fact that, just from looking at this photo, I think I would have a GREAT time hanging out with her! She looks so SASSY! In addition, who in their right mind would wear a MESS of a Dress like this one above? She must be crazy-fun. But still, this looks like my fellow Season 2 Project Runway contestant Santino Rice's dress for the Figure Skating Challenge!! It also reminds me of something a Drag Queen would wear atop a Gay Pride Parade float as well! And because of this, she gets my "Miss Mess of The Week" Nick Award.

I Love Me some Pageants..and Pageant Gowns...
Stay Tuned for my "Miss Best Gowns"...

Pageant Fashion: Miss Uruguay Universe 2011...and her "Toddlers & Tiaras" Iridescent Poly Organza Gown...

Pageant Fashion: Miss Uruguay Universe 2011...and her "Toddlers & Tiaras" Iridescent Poly Organza Gown...

Uruguay Pageant Gowns...Uh Oh!!

Pretty Girl...BAAAD gown: Miss Uruguay Universe 2011 Fernanda Semino, and her baby blue iridescent poly organza and sequin gown

On May 28th, the very pretty Fernanda Semino was crowned Miss Uruguay Universe 2011 in the resort/beach city of Punta del Este. Uruguay is not known for its winning pageant girls--but rather for having some GORGEOUS beaches (Hello, Punta del Este!!), as well as being a very "Euro" enclave of South America (Approximately 9o% of the population is either of full Spanish or Italian descent).

Gown No-No: Miss Uruguay Universe 2011 Fernanda Semino, (center) and her baby blue iridescent poly organza gown

This year's winner was a gorgeous dark-blond haired beauty. She won, despite the fact that well, she wore a baby blue iridescent poly organza and sequin gown that, even some Drag Queens would consider OFFENSIVE. And by the looks of the other contestants gowns, it looks like a Caché boutique Nightmare--or Dream, depending on how you see it!!! In addition, it was SOOOO TLC's "Toddlers & Tiaras", the adult version (I'm also a bit scared of the gown on the girl on the far right!).

Her First Runner-Up was Belen Sogliano (above, in black gown) who was crowned Miss Uruguay World 2011 (she will represent her country in this winter's Miss World Pageant to be held in London this November) and she didn't fare any better in the Gown Department. Belen wore a black one-shoulder "Mermaid"-style gown that featured cut-out's (yes, CUT OUT'S!) and very tacky applique. I guess, what is considered Haute Couture or HAUTE Gown Style may be different in Uruguay but frankly, these gowns needed help. When will Beauty Pageants evolve in terms of the Gown Department and grow up from tacky Prom Nightmares to looking like actual red carpet gowns Hollywood starlets would wear? Let's just hope, when these two very lovely ladies get to their respective Miss Universe and Miss World competitions, they get better Gown Advice. Word has it that they are both going to Colombia for some Pageant Coaching...maybe Colombia has better gowns for them.

And remember Ladies: Lo Barato Sale Caro! Translation: The Cheap Comes Out Expensive. In other words: PAY the BIG money for the real red carpet pageant-winning gowns! Just sayin'