SASHES AND TIARAS.....Miss USA 2016 Preliminary Competition Evening Gown Uh Oh's: Feathers, Bad Busts and Lucite Stripper Heels!

SASHES AND TIARAS.....Miss USA 2016 Preliminary Competition Evening Gown Uh Oh's: Feathers, Bad Busts and Lucite Stripper Heels!

Uh Oh Pageant: Miss USA contestants who made my "Uh Oh!" List--Miss USA 2016 Preliminary Competition Las Vegas Nevada

In my last post HERE, I discussed my Top Ten Best List from Wednesday night's Miss USA 2016 Preliminary Competition. So, naturally, now it is time to discuss my "Uh Oh!"/Could Have Been Better List. During the Preliminary Evening Gown Competition, there were lots of nice gowns and to be honest not so many major "Oh No She Didn't" moments. These gals come well prepared to the Miss USA finals with their very own pageant glam squad that makes sure that there are not too many style "oopsies". But...sometimes, style mistakes can still occur. Let's investigate which ladies--and their gowns left me Pageant Perplexed...



Let's begin with Feather Cray-Cray:

Miss Ohio USA Megan Wise: First off, I think that Megan is one of the most impacting and beautiful contestants at this year's Miss USA. she reminds me of a red haired Shandi Finnessey (Miss USA 2004 and First Runner-up to Miss Universe 2004). During the Preliminaries, Megan wore this sequin-and-feathers gown. to sum it up: it was A LOT. The feathers really took it to Costume Cha-Cha mode and really distracted from her stunning beauty. I just don't understand why anyone would think that the multicolored sequins weren't enough and therefore, they felt it needed layers upon layers of feathers. Oy Vey and Ayy Dios Mio! It also brought back unfortunate memories of this atrocious concoction from the Miss Venezuela 2015 contest...

Miss Sucre Maydeliana Liyimar Diaz at Miss Venezuela 2015: Feather Loca!!

Miss New York USA Serena Bocaj: Serena is another gorgeous contestant who unfortunately made a wrong gown choice. When her name and state was called during the Evening Gown portion, I could not believe that she walked out in this golden-silver gathered gown mess. She looked MUMSY, like the mother-of-the-bride...and one who absolutely has no style whatsoever. Why would she allow herself to be swallowed up in this concoction? And to add insult to style injury, the fit is awkward at best: It is high-waisted therefore cutting her body off, it is too heavily ruched at the waist and front (it should have been FLAT with no ruching at the front), and the sequin top didn't help at all. Praying that she threw this thing in the trash and is wearing something more sexy and form fitting for the Finals on Sunday.

BREAST-a-LICIOUS: Next on the "Uh Oh's" of Miss USA 2016 Preliminary Evening Gowns are the Bad Bust Gals. One of the "trends" that stood out (literally!) for me after watching this year's Miss USA Preliminaries were the high amount of breast jobs (or at least, some questionably large ones!). It was all rather late 90's/early 2000's Retro for me. I guess you could say that Big Boobies are BACK y'all! (did they ever go away I wonder?) Well, in terms of the gowns, this didn't make for good gown moments...

Miss Illinois USA Zena Malak: Gorgeous Zena wore a royal blue strapless mermaid style gown for the Miss USA 2016 Preliminaries. While my eyes tried to pay attention to the gown and/or her stunning Cindy Crawford-like face...all I could focus on were her SISTAHS. I was pained to see how SMOOSHED her breasts were in the gown and how the fit was way too tight and pulling in the top area...

The gown itself was very similar to what last year's Miss USA Olivia Jordan wore, featuring these gathered ruffle strips. I didn't like it when Olivia wore it and I'm not a fan of it now. It reminds me of a Quinceañera-meets-a-Piñata. 

Miss Oklahoma USA Taylor Gorton: Taylor is another beautiful contestant who ended up in my "Bad Bust" style list. She wore this wine-colored velvet gown that featured a crystal waist trim and a very plunging neckline. Because the lovely Taylor is so well endowed, the dress top section just pulled open too much. REPEAT AFTER ME KIDS: These plunging neckline dresses are NOT made for big breasted ladies. They only work for the less endowed gals. At least the sash kind of took your eye away from focusing up there but even then, it was of no help.

Miss Vermont USA Neely Fortune: Here is another beautiful contestant who suffered from bust fit issues with her gown. This stretch velvet gown was almost collapsing before our very eyes and I just hope she had enough double-stick tape to hold those SISTAHS up! Two words sum this up: Smooshy & collapsing.

Miss Iowa USA Alissa Morrison: Notice the pulling and slight rippling happening at the bust. It's too tight. And even though there is little cleavage being shown (nice and tasteful), her upper torso (i.e. breasts) look HUUUGE. And at closer inspection, it almost looks as if she added bust pads to make them look even bigger! WHYYYY???????

Miss South Carolina USA Leah Lawson: One of the prettiest women in the contest, Leah made a disastrous style error when it came time for her evening gown. Looking at the photo above do you see anything uh...odd? Anything that maybe you shouldn't be seeing? Let me help you...

I can see her BOOB PADS!!! Who told her this was OK? And let me tell you, I guarantee that every judge--especially the gay ones--were like "Ummm, are those her boob pads??" Not sure why anyone didn't take the time to add a nude colored lining to the top section. Or at least create a strapless nude bustier. And in closer inspection (yeah, there's more!) I also think that because her SISTAHS were a bit too "endowed' for the top section of this gown...it looks as if someone literally took a pair of scissors and SLICED the neck, to create a plunging neckline. If she makes it to the Top 15, I sure hope someone pulls her aside and heads to the Las Vegas Victoria's Secret store and buys her a nude strapless bustier. ASAP!

Stripper Heel Alert: And now, let me end my "Uh Oh!" List with the ladies who made SHOE ERRORS at the Miss USA 2016 Preliminary Competition. I'll just signal out two contestants:

Miss Connecticut USA Tiffany Teixeira: Tiffany is GORGEOUS and I really didn't have a problem with her red off-the-shoulder overskirt gown. She looked quite impacting and pretty. But then...my eyes panned down and all of a sudden I had the "Shower Scene from Psycho" music playing in my head: THOSE TACKY LUCITE STRIPPER HEELS!!!!!! She ruined the whole look with those darn shoes! Why do these girls do this to themselves? Two scenarios: 1) She just wants to look taller.  (On Wikipedia, it says she's 5' 7" which means she's probably 5' 5") 2) These gown samples are normally made for 5'8" or taller and therefore instead of shortening the hem, they give her some SUPER high platform heels to fix that! Either way, there's really no excuse to wear these, unless you work at Spearmint Rhino Strip Club in LA. 

Miss Indiana USA Morgan Abel: Pretty Morgan wore a simple lace and sequin applique dress that featured a high front slit. It was a nice choice for her. Unfortunately though, she made a not-so-nice choice with her shoes. Once again, we have those dreaded plastic-and-Lucite platform pumps. On a good note, these weren't as Stripper high as Miss Connecticut USA's but they were still the same tacky-licious design. I just don't get it. Why couldn't she just wear some chic strappy heels in silver or gold? Is it that difficult to find nice strappy heels in Indiana? With her gown, she's saying "I'm a classy pageant girl"; and with the shoes, she's waiting until 1 AM rolls around to begin her shift at Cheetah's in Las Vegas. Someone please run to the local Macy's or Dillard's in Vegas and pick up some nice strappy heels like these:

Much Better Shoe!

**UP NEXT: TREND ALERT Miss USA 2016 Preliminary Evening Gowns Edition: The OVERSKIRT GOWN!!!

SASHES AND TIARAS.....Miss Universe 2015 Evening Gown Portraits Part Two: The Pageant Betty's, Oh Dear Too Mucheey & "Go-On Girl" Award

SASHES AND TIARAS.....Miss Universe 2015 Evening Gown Portraits Part Two: The Pageant Betty's, Oh Dear Too Mucheey & "Go-On Girl" Award

Too Mucheey Hoochie & Chonchee and Too Mucheey Everything: Miss Universe 2015 Evening Gown Portraits

Photos courtesy of MissUniverse.com

In my last post HERE, I discussed my FAVORITES from the Miss Universe 2015 "Official Website Evening Gown Portraits" (as well as which designs disappointed me), so naturally, now it's time to talk about the Pageant Betty's and "Ayyy Mija!" designs--and one last special "Go-On Girl" Gown recognition...

Let's get to it--Let's begin with "Pageant Betty's"-----------------------------------------------------------

Miss Philippines Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach: I know, I know, I am sure everyone from here to the Philippines will hate me but I just thought that gorgeous Pia looked too old-school Pageant Betty in this design. Pia could look like a fabulous fashion model DIVA and instead, in this gown she looked like it was 1998 and she was a candidate in that year's Miss Philippines pageant. The gown is very "been there/done that". Not to mention those earrings...GIRL! And for some reason, all I could look at is how BIG her "sistahs" look; there too much focus on her big ol' breasts--with this strapless dress. On a good note: her face and hair style are flawless.

Miss Guatemala Jeimmy Aburto: Pink stretch lace--and silver crystals--plus the mermaid "lite" shape...well, they all add up to "Pageant Betty". She is very pretty and that pose is indeed, impacting. But, the gown, oh the gown: it's Too-Mucheey  and Tacky.

Miss Haiti Lisa Drouillard: Oh Lisa, that is A LOT of Gown. I do appreciate the dynamic bubblegum pink color and silver sequin detail but...it's Too Mucheey, and it does give me "Pageant Betty" for it's heavy-handed style. At least she didn't do an up-do bouffant. I give her a couple of points for that.

Miss Panama Gladys Brandao Amaya: According to the Miss Universe website, Gladys is only 24 years old. But here she looks 34. I do like the unusual sequin and striped detail in the gown--as well as the color--but my main problem deals with the too-much peek-a-boo keyhole (Hola! That is my cleavage!) and the semi pouffed-up hair is a bit early 2000's Pageant. It's time for an update mija.

Miss South Africa Refilwe Mthiwunye: First off, I was a bit taken aback that she allowed the Miss Universe.com peeps to put in her bio that she won the "Miss Gangster" award during the Miss South Africa pageant. Not sure if I would of put that as a PLUS in my bio. But oh well. In terms of her choice of gown, it was very Pageant Betty. Now, don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful gown and it fits her nicely, but...this is not what you would see a Miss Universe wear to win, and definitely not what you would see on a top actress on a red carpet at a top awards show like Cannes or the Oscars.

Miss Denmark Cecilie Wellemberg: Cecilie is quite beautiful. I don't have that much of a problem with this gown--I do like the royal blue color and scroll-like sequin applique. But...the combination of all of that + the mermaid shape + her pouffy hair and big ol' earrings scream "Pageant Betty".

Miss Mexico Wendy Esparza: Did someone say 1997? What is with all the polyester charmeuse? And that matching lace? Ayyy mija! Oh, and of course, there's a side-front slit. And SILVER covered pumps? Someone please help her! At least she looks absolutely bella from the neck up--the hair and makeup are perfect!

Oh Dear!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miss British Virgin Islands Adorya Baly: Let me begin on a good note--I love the canary yellow color. And I do like the flower-like sequin appliques. Where it all goes a bit tacky is the sheer netting, the center front plunging neckline showing her too-mucheey cleavage. I also think she could have added more makeup (what a novel idea for a pageant gal!?); she looks like she got up, just had her first coffee and well, had to do a photoshoot.

Miss Hungary Nikoletta Nagy: Nikoletta is quite pretty but she isn't going to be on anyone's Top Faves List with this dress. I like the emerald color but the side cowl draped detail looks more like curtains than Grecian Goddess. I'll be blunt: the dress looks polyester-cheap. And speaking of cheap: I DON'T WANT TO SEE THOSE STRIPPER PUMPS! And trust me: Neither do the judges. How many times do I have to say this?! If you need to wear them, by all means do. But hide them. Showing them makes you look cheap...and only highlights that you're short and therefore you need to wear these. 

Miss Ghana Hilda Frimpong: Oh Hilda, it looks like you are leaving the pageant world and walking straight on to the set of the next Real Housewife of (fill in the blank). I usually discuss the "Slit Happy" Pageant Gals but seriously, Miss Universe Ghana and this dress took the Slit thang to another level; there are two slits and depending on how she walks, you could probably almost see her CHA-CHA. There's nothing cute about this. It's very "Oh Dear!" Chonchee.

Miss Malaysia Vanessa Kumares: Oh Vanessa, I give her points for looking all "Heyyyy Girl!" fab in this photo! She looks like a fun girl I want to have Dirty Martinis with. But then, there's that gown. It's a Pageant Oh Dear Too Mucheey Mess. She looks like the wife of a Millionaire Malaysian businessman at a New Year's Eve Party, as opposed to the next Miss Universe. It's also very 2004 dated in it's style; been there/done that huney.

Miss Australia Monika Radulovic: Monika is very popular with the Missosologists (i.e., Pageant Fans), she's one of the top faves for the Miss Universe 2015 crown. But then she wears this lace and chiffon gown. It's very off-the-rack and dated. We've seen this style and it was several years ago at past "Miss Universe" and "Miss USA" pageants. I expect something like this on an Eastern European pageant contestant in the Miss World Contest...But not at Miss Universe?? On a good note: her nude strappy heels are PERFECT, and so is her hair and makeup. Now, go change into a better gown darling.

Finally, I have to give a Special "Go-On Girl!" Evening Gown Portraits Award to Miss Universe Tanzania...

Miss Tanzania Lorraine Marriot: I was a bit on the fence on where to include this fabulous woman--Miss Universe Tanzania. I loved this photo. But...should be it be "Oh Dear!" or "Fab!". In terms of the "Miss Universe 2015 Evening Gown Portraits" on the website, there was no other like it--for good or not-so-good. For me, it was more good: She gave you DIVA! I liked this gown and the draped gold and emerald sequin beading on the torso which reminded me of Swahili-like East African jewelry. The entire look said "Fierce". Now, I am wondering how she could even walk in this gown--which looks like it's way too long for her. But for this photo, it deserved my "Go ON Girl!" Evening Gown Portrait "Nick Award".