Beauty Pageant Minute: Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition Evening Gowns: The "Oh Huney!" List

Beauty Pageant Minute: Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition Evening Gowns: The "Oh Huney!" List

Mermaid Madness, 1988 Dynasty Pouf's, a Stripper or a Pageant Contestant?...and a Peacock:

Miss Washington USA 2012 Christina Clarke: See below for my thoughts on her Pouf-and-Sequin Gown

Well Pageant Kids, in my last post, I wrote down all my "Nick Top Picks" from the Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition, which occurred two nights ago on Wednesday at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino, site of the Final LIVE Miss USA 2012 Telecast (which is Sunday night in case y'all forgot!). As a Pageant Fan, Fashion Designer, Red Carpet commentator and brother of a sister who has been in Pageants (The Miss Venezuela Pageant, no less!), I find it is my DUTY to speak of the FAB and also NOT SO FAB on this subject which is very near and dear to my heart. So, here are my "WHY Oh Why?", "Huney it's 2012 not 1988" and "Are You a Stripper or a Miss USA?" Picks--So, Enjoy and of course, feel free to let me know YOUR thoughts--



Is it Me or Is it 1988 All Over Again?

  Eighties Fab: "Knots Landing" Actress (and Fashion DIVA!) Donna Mills at the 1988 Golden Globe Awards (left photo) and Linda Evans, John Forsythe and Joan Collins of Dynasty (right)

These following ladies--as beautiful as they may be--fall under the category of "Oh Huney, What Were You Thinking?":

Miss Kentucky USA 2012 Amanda Mertz: This strapless very
fitted sequined applique bustier gown with red taffeta fitted-to-flare
"Mermaid" attached skirt was just too late 80's for me. I like the
shape of the gown-skirt but it's the UBER fitted/UBER boob-a-fied
sequined applique corset which instantly brings it into 1988 fashion
territory. If she's trying to do a "Sofia Vergara", she might want to
spend the big bucks and get the design teams of Vera Wang, Carolina
Herrera or Oscar de la Renta to help her...or at least get a designer to knock off one of those FAB Red Carpet looks.

Miss Washington USA 2012 Christina Clarke: Huney...what were you thinkin'? I could show this photo to someone and ask "What year is this from?" and the answer would be "Ummm, 1988!" Hands Down.  Miss Washington USA 2012 Christina Clarke is so pretty--just look at her! I just do not know how she could not have a Fashion Gay near her in the great State of Washington to help her and guide her something more chic, streamlined and modern!

Miss Florida USA 2012 Karina Brez: Oh Karina. The gown. Is. So. 1985. I am having Flashbacks of my Prom. All I want to do is give her a Corsage. Not only is the dress a mess (really, that high side slit was necessary?), the "Jersey Shore/Real Housewives of New Jersey" hair style, plus those platform stacked heels, plus the too-tight corset top section (hello rippling!), it all adds to well, not one of my favorites. Now, speaking of shoes...

Time for Sidebar #1: Those SHOES!



These...

Are Stripper heels NOT Pageant Evening Gown heels. Ladies. Learn the Difference. Please. Why can't you wear something closer to these:

I just do not understand. I understand the shoe sponsor for Miss USA is Chinese Laundry and Lord Knows I LOVE them, but I know they have some fabulous strappy and non-stripper stacked platform/heel shoes in their style Look Book that the contestants could have chosen from.

Now onto Sidebar #2: Stripper or Miss USA Winner:

The lovely--and beautiful ladies below are NOT strippers but in fact, Miss USA 2012 contestants:

While the Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition had plenty of too-high leg bearing slits and cha-cha-bearing plunging necklines, these two ladies were up there in my "Oh Huney" category. Miss Georgia USA 2012 Jasmyn "Jazz" Wilkins (on the left) in the white plunging neckline...AND...ULTRA high slit...AND backless...gown---and Miss District of Columbia USA 2012 Monique Tompkins (on the right) in her gold one-shoulder very high side slit number...are on my "Stripper or Miss USA Winner?" section. And if you have to ask me why, you have a Style Problem. I guess I am an old Pageant Fuddy-Duddy but...these are NOT Miss USA-winning gowns. These are dresses that will get a Rich Russian Billionaire to come back to your Vegas Hotel room. Just saying. But maybe they will prove me wrong on Sunday night and win the entire thing and get the HIGHEST EVENING GOWN POINTS EVAH!!!! We'll see...

 But the HOOCHIE Gown Title goes to...

Miss Texas USA 2012 Brittany Booker: First off, this woman is absolutely stunning--all 5' 11" of her! She's an AMAZON! I just cannot fathom why she would wear this nude sequined overlay over a strapless micro-mini dress to compete for the Miss USA pageant. Other than to get people talking...and not in a good way. The dress makes actual strippers jealous. I really wish this beautiful woman would have called by NIKOLAKI design studio and we might have provided her with an appropriate Miss USA gown.



Finally, my Favorite: Miss Peacock...

Miss Minnesota USA 2012 Nitaya Panemalaythong: Now, that is a GOWN. For the Miss Universe National Parade of Nations. Not for the Miss USA Preliminary Competition. I give her points for going there. It's very "Flora and Fauna" and Vegas Showgirl. She's obviously having a great time wearing it. But if a celeb wore this on the red carpet--she would have been SLAMMED in a not-so-nice way.

It is one thing to love Peacocks or be inspired by their color and beauty, but to actually try to make yourself INTO an actual Peacock...for the Miss USA Pageant no less....is just WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! (but I think I'd like to hit the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino bar with her!!!)



Sunday Night is the Miss USA 2012 LIVE Telecast and you know I will be watching and yes, the day after...reviewing my "Best" and "Hoochies" of the Evening Gown bunch...Happy Pageant Watching!!!

Beauty Pageant Minute: Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition Evening Gowns

Beauty Pageant Minute: Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition Evening Gowns

The Best of the Preliminary Gowns...

Miss New York USA Johanna Sambucini--keep reading for what I thought of her and her Evening Gown...

Continuing with my "Beauty Pageant Minute" postings---we are DONE with looking at those oh-so-last-week Evening Gown Portraits...it's all about what the "Miss USA 2012" contestants actually wore on last night's very important "Preliminary Competition" which was held at the site of Sunday night's LIVE telecast, Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino.

This is the night where the Top 15 Semi-Finalists are picked by a panel of Preliminary Judges. Usually the Preliminary Judges are comprised of local dignitaries and/or "industry" insiders in the pr, entertainment and/or fashion and beauty world--as opposed to the LIVE telecast where the judges are usually from the NBC/Universal "family" (since the telecast airs on NBC) and/or actors, well known celebrities, and yes, a sports figure sometimes. Some of the Preliminary Judges included Alison Taub, an Associate Producer with "Inside Edition", Kim Wagner, Co-Anchor of "Wake Up with the Wagners", Randall Winston, Producer of "Scrubs" "Spin City" and "Cougar Town"and Renee Simon, Vice President of Current programming at the Style Network.

Miss USA Alyssa Campanella co-hosts last night's Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition

The Preliminaries were hosted by the reining Miss USA, Alyssa Campanella and Chet Buchanan, host of the local Vegas radio show "Chet Buchanan and the Morning Zoo" on KLUC 98.FM. The show was streamed live on the web via UStream. OK, now that we got all that out the way...Wanna know what I thought of the Gowns?? Well, here were my Top Picks:

Go On Mija! Miss New York USA 2012 Johanna Sambucini: 25 year old 5' 9" tall Johanna was born in the Dominican Republic and HUNEY, it shows! She
WORKED it overtime in the gown portion of the Miss USA 2012 Preliminary
Competition. She wore a see-through nude-colored halter-neckline style gown with encrusted crystals. I wouldn't be surprised if her gown was by one of those Puerto Rican and/or Dominican fashion designers who design for Miss Puerto Rico and Miss Dominican Republic Universe. Or if she went straight to the "Pageant Gown" Source and payed the extra thousands for a Venezuelan pageant gown designer. Whatever--and whoever she chose--it was FABULOSO!

Miss Oklahoma USA 2012 Lauren Lundeen: Next on my Top Picks List is this lovely woman representing Oklahoma. Not sure if it is a coincidence but she wore a similar gown to "Miss New York USA 2012". It had a nude-colored base, fitted and filled with encrusted mirrored crystals. The difference, it was not a halter-neckline style. The 5' 9" beauty once again, vibed her best "Miss Venezuela" confidence/look, and went for it, when it came to her evening gown. Love the hair, make-up, the fit of the gown. She's basically a TIE for "Best Dressed" of the Miss USA 2012 Evening Gown Preliminaries. At least for me. Only negative: those shoes! Too big, too stacked heel, too Drag Queen/Stripper. A pair of gorgeous silver strappy ones would have been perfect. 

Miss California USA 2012 Natalie Pack: Interestingly enough, Natalie wore the same gown she was featured in the "Miss USA 2012 Website Evening Gown Portraits". I liked this gown there and I still like it now on her. As you know, she was a contestant on "America's Next Top Model" so hopefully she knows how to work a runway and a gown. It's funny how she looks very UN-model and more-Miss Pageant. There is a difference. I like the peachy-pink color on her and the diagonal asymmetrical gathering and draping. The slit IS "HOOCHIE" HIGH but oh well, you can't win 'em all...

Miss Nevada USA 2012 Jade Kelsall: Jade looked like Beyonce-Meets-Cleopatra...in this white strapless gown she wore for last night's Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition. Except for the too-high stacked heel "Disco" pumps (seriously Ladies, why all the tacky shoes with these gowns??), the dress was stunning, elegant (HELLO: No HOOCHIE slit, nasty boob-revealing neckline!). I love the gold and silver metallic midriff section. I just want to be fanning her and serving her grapes!



In the Red Category, these two ladies--and their gowns--were my favorites:

Miss Tennessee USA 2012  Jessica Hibler: Jessica is only 5' 6" (these pageant girls--especially the ones who are winning as of late--seem to be on the 5' 9" or taller height spectrum) but with that said, she looked GLORIOUS and statuesque in this strapless gathered bust/draped chiffon lipstick-red gown. The big ol' bun on her head adds height and I am happy she didn't do the "Pageant Tacky" and put on 12" platform Drag Queen/Stripper heels to make herself seem taller. The gold pumps were a good choice. P.S. to all short(er) pageant girls: I've spoken to actual Miss USA and Miss Universe judges and they've told me that (they) can see the 12" platform heels and the first thing they think is "Oh Huney, she must be SHORT!". Just saying. Back to the gown--it's very "Hollywood Glamour". Nothing directional or overtly sexy but it looked very nice on her.

Miss Utah USA 2012 Kendyl Bell: Yes, she's very "Pageant Betty Elegant" in this, but that's why I am giving her "Pageant Gown Props" for it. She could have gone "I am a 55 year old 'Real Housewife of Orange County' at a Black-Tie Wedding" (wait until you see my "Oh Huney" posting!) but she chose to go for a more "Pageant Classic". This red gathered bustier with fitted taffeta gown with a one-shoulder sequined trim is a very standard Pageant/Prom/Evening Dress that one can find online or at a "Pageant and Prom" boutique, but at least she chose one of the better ones. Nothing wrong with this look on Miss Utah USA...except, for yes...those PUMPS!!!

Miss Illinois USA 2012 Ashley Hooks: I like Ashley's gown and therefore I felt she was one of the better ones from last night's Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Evening Gown Competition. It fit her like a glove, yet not too tight, I like the high-neck halter style, open back, degrade sequins and iridescent gold color. She looks like a "Miss Bermuda" at a Miss Universe or Miss World competition and that's fab for me!



Finally the Gionni Straccia Girl:

Miss Nebraska USA 2012 Amy Spilker (left): Amy's gown is very similar to a gown designed by Venezuelan Pageant-Go-To Fashion Designer Gionni Straccia. It's also similar to the gown that

Morgan Woolard Miss Oklahoma USA 2010 (right) wore two years ago and in which she almost got the Miss USA title (she was First Runner Up). I'm assuming the gown Miss Nebraska USA 2012 wore last night is by Straccia. If not, he might want to sue someone. Just saying. Irregardless, I like this white strapless gown on Amy and especially, the coral-colored sequins highlighting the Empire/underbust and high-hip area.




**Up Next: My "OOOOOH GURL, Is it 1988...and Why Are You Dressed like a Peacock?" Girls from the Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Evening Gown Competition