Miss USA 2011: The "Evening Gown Portraits"...The Best!

Miss USA 2011: The "Evening Gown Portraits"...The Best!

Pageant Gowns Me Likey...

Miss New York USA Amber Marie Collins: Gown Proper

In my previous post, I discuss my "Nick Pageant Two Cents" on which gowns made the "Nick Miss Mess" List from looking at the new Miss USA 2011 "Evening Gown Portraits". So, for the sake of having "Positive Pageant Gown Karma", allow me to discuss the Good (yeayyyy!!!) and the ones I did like. Now, remember these may or may not be the gowns these lovely women will wear in the Final Telecast but still, since they are gowns nonetheless, I'll do my "Nick Two Cents" Review.

Here are some of my Faves:

Miss California USA: Already one of the favorites and top contenders (in pageant fan forums) for the Miss USA 2011 crown, Miss California USA Alyssa Campanella is a REAL model by profession (you know how most of these girls say they are "models" but posing for your Local Mall Calendar doesn't give you that title), and therefore, knows how to really work it! She's simply stunning, very Rita Hayworth. For her official "Miss USA Evening Gown Portrait", she wore a black (or dark navy?) jersey gown with sequin accents. It's simple and elegant. I am SURE she'll bust out with a more impacting gown for the Final Night if and when she makes it to the Top 10. But because of its simplicity, modernity and OMG, there's NO SLIT-up-to-THERE, she get's "Nick Happy Points".

Miss District of Columbia USA: Heather Danelle Swann, went elegant, all-over sequined and white for her gown choice in the Official Evening Gown Portrait. I'm happy that she--and her gown-- didn't look as if it came from a pageant in 1991--as opposed to 2011!! Thank you Heather Danelle. I think she looks wonderful and so does the gown. Yes, it's plunging, but Thank God, she didn't do PLUNGING AND a high slit. Well done Miss District of Columbia USA!

Miss Illinois: OK, huney: WORK...that sweet look of yours--in an all-over sequined-and-applique gown! Yes, the gown is a bit on the "heavy" side, in terms of all that embroidered sequin applique, but see, this girl knows. She softened her hair, her make-up, her absence of accessories (just the earrings and a little ol' ring) and Hello: No Slit again! It's not that I dislike SLITS--don't get me wrong--it's just a slit UP TO THERE PLUS an all-over sequined and feathered gown AND Clear Lucite Stripper Heels--well...No. Anyhow, Miss Illinois USA looks FAB and I like the silhouette of the gown. It fits beautifully.

Miss New Jersey USA: Now speaking of slits, this is how you do slits right! Julianna White chose to wear a bubblegum pink crepe strapless gown with crystal sequin detail at the midriff, cascading down to the hips. I LOVE this gown and the COLOR, and see ladies: The Strapless section FITS; it's not 3 inches below her armpit at the sides. I also like how the peep-toe pumps match. Julianna and her gown are SOOOO Miss "Name a South American Country"! And that means one thing: She's got EXCELLENT Pageant Advisers behind her.

Miss North Dakota USA: When I first saw Brandi Lynn Schoenberg, Miss North Dakota USA, and her gown, I must say, I smiled. The strapless gold/nude gown covered in turquoise jeweled sequins was actually really GOOD! THIS is a quality--and probably expensive gown. I love the heavy-to-light cascading effect of the jeweled detail on the dress and I also love the nude horsehair trim at the bust neckline and hem. I just wished she would have "lightened" up on the hair style and make-up department. Again, from the neck up, she falls into the "I look like a 46 year old Real Housewives of Orange County" Miss USA malaise...

Miss Connecticut USA: Last but not least, there was Miss Connecticut USA Regina Turner. Regina TURNED it out with an original stunner of a gown, in what looks like laminated "patent leather"-looking fabric. It's very Armani Prive-esque--in terms of the fabrication (I know it's not since A) It's not in the Runway Photo Look Book and B) An actual Armani Prive custom-made Haute Couture gown can cost about $45,000-$100,000---I doubt Miss Connecticut USA has that kind of budget...). The strapless section fits; there's no overt I-like-dirty-Twitter-photos cleavage, and the silhouette and length are just right! You Go Pageant Girl!

Miss USA 2011 Evening Gown Portrait Photos: The "Miss Messes" And Why...

Miss USA 2011 Evening Gown Portrait Photos: The "Miss Messes" And Why...

Too-High Slits, Stripper Heels, Cruella De Vil Hair, Gay Pride Parade Drag Queens and Anchor Tattoos??? Seriously...It's The Miss USA 2011 Evening Gown Portraits!!!!!

Well, kids, it's Beauty Pageant Time once again! And I, for one, am THRILLED! The Miss USA 2011 Pageant will air on June 19th (PM (EST) LIVE from Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas Nevada. The 51 contestants have already arrived from all over the country to have their fittings, begin rehearsals, photo-ops and get generally ready for the Final Night. As always, the Miss USA website puts up photos of the contestants in their Swimsuits and Evening Gowns--the "Evening Gown Portraits". Now, these are NOT necessarily the actual FINAL Gowns they will wear on the FINAL night (A LOT, reserve a "very special" gown for that!). But still, it does give a good indication of their "taste level" and well, how "Gown-Savvy" and "Not-So-Gown-Savvy" these women are. So, even though these ARE NOT NECESSARILY the Final Gowns they will wear on the Telecast if they make it to the Top, I still have to give my "Nick Beauty Pageant Gown Two Cents"...

We will begin with "The Miss Messes":

Miss Maine USA: Bless her heart! Miss Maine USA Ashley Lynn-Marble. One question: WHY oh WHY, the Cruella De Vil Hair?? I mean, really. Also, she's so pretty (and only 27 years old) but with this "Mother-of-the-Bride" halter-style sequin-embroidered gown--plus that hair and make-up--she looks like a 42 year old "Real Housewife of Orange County"! And she HAD to add the earrings AND the TWO--not just ONE--crystal bracelet/cuffs. Overkill darlin'
Miss Massachusetts USA: The lovely Alida D'Angona, Miss Massachusetts USA, took the whole "I-Love-Me-A-Slit" thing to an ENTIRE new level! And by that, she actually TOOK her slit to a NEW LEVEL: To the Empire Waist!! Check that out in the above photo. It wasn't enough that the SLIT already goes up to her nether-regions but then, the designer--or her--decide "Nope, let's just take that slit up to my Under-Bust". At least they added a sheer-and-sequined panel to add a little more "Klass". Yes, with a Capital "K". Part of me feels like I would LOVE to have many a Di Saronno "on the rocks" with her!

Miss Delaware USA: Oh HUNEY. At a brief first glance of this photo, I actually thought Katie Hanson, Miss Delaware USA was holding up her dress and her boobie area (sorry for the Kindergarten-speak). But then, I realized, nope, she's just caressing her hair. Um...OK. But let's discuss the gown: Baby Blue, Strapless, Sequins, Shirring, Chiffon, AND FEATHERS!!! Wow. Why do I feel like she's about to take it all off and do a Dita Von Teese "Feathered Fan Dance"? Also, Ladies, Strapless gowns are NOT made for BIG BREASTED ladies. Why do you wear them? When you do, the above happens, it begins to slip down and looks far too low on the torso area. Lesson No. 56: A Strapless gown should really begin about 1"- 1 1/2" below the armpit area (at the side) NOT THREE inches (Note to Miss Massachusetts also).

Miss Arizona USA: Well Well Well. Look what we've got here on Miss Arizona USA Brittany Dawn Brannon. Correct me if I'm wrong but is her TRAIN longer than the one on the former Kate Middleton-now-Catherine Duchess of Cambridge's wedding gown??? There is NO REASON for a gown like this to have a "Cathedral Train". None. There is FAR too much polyester charmeuse up in there. All I wanna do is get some Chardonnay, Artisanal Cheeses, sit down and set up a picnic on top of it!

Miss Michigan USA: One Word: Grrrrrr!!!! The UBER gorgeous (and one of my current faves-just look at that face!) Channing Pierce is not doing herself any favors by wearing this animal-print lingerie-inspired dress to her "Miss USA Evening Gown Portrait". It's very Cavalli-meets-Trashy Lingerie. The one good thing is that at least she kept the hair and make-up soft and not over-done. At least she still looked 24, not 44 (like some of the other lovely contestants).

Miss Rhode Island USA: Kate McCaughey's gown is very "Pageant 101", I've seen this one too many times in Downtown LA at those Pageant-Prom-Quinceañera shops. Nothing against it, "Safe Pageant" you might say. But what I do have a hoot-and-holler time with is...(Look up above, yes at her feet!) Is she showing us her ANCHOR TATTOO??? And why? At first I looked down there because of those over-the-top sequin strappy platforms, but then I was distracted--by THE TATTOO!! Oh Huney. Let me guess, she either:
A) loves sailing
B) her father is a Captain of a boat
C) Her boyfriend is a Marine or
D) Someone went on a Cruise to Cabo and this is what happened.
Either way, not "Miss USA Evening Gown Portrait" appropriate. Save this for your audition at "Scores".

Miss Nevada USA: I've saved the BEST "Miss Mess" for last. And the Winner is...Miss Nevada USA, Sarah Chapman!! Let's just begin with the fact that, just from looking at this photo, I think I would have a GREAT time hanging out with her! She looks so SASSY! In addition, who in their right mind would wear a MESS of a Dress like this one above? She must be crazy-fun. But still, this looks like my fellow Season 2 Project Runway contestant Santino Rice's dress for the Figure Skating Challenge!! It also reminds me of something a Drag Queen would wear atop a Gay Pride Parade float as well! And because of this, she gets my "Miss Mess of The Week" Nick Award.

I Love Me some Pageants..and Pageant Gowns...
Stay Tuned for my "Miss Best Gowns"...