Why Do Men Cheat on Their Hot Wives?
Dr. Jenn Mann is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and InStyle columnist. She is best known for her hit VH1 show, Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn, and is a bestselling author, most recently of The Relationship Fix.
Our worst Lemonade fears were seemingly confirmed when Jay-Z released his confessional album 4:44, alluding to infidelity. But it wasn’t yesterday, when Jay-Z referenced his cheating outright in an interview with T: The New York Times Magazine that we were 100% sure.
Any time an idealized celebrity couple struggles with infidelity, it can push our buttons. In addition to crushing our romantic fantasies about perfect relationships, it puts personal anxieties into high gear. I have had more than one person in my therapy practice say, “I [insert gorgeous star here]'s husband cheated on her, what hope is there for me?” But the assumptions behind that thinking is flawed—that cheating is about how attractive, sexy, or desirable a partner is. Really, that's not what infidelity is about.
I find that most often, people cheat because of a lack of connection in the relationship. Most people don't realize how important creating, maintaining, and nurturing connection in a relationship is. There will always be temptations—for preternaturally beautiful celebrities, multiply that by about a thousand—but when a couple is feeling connected the odds that a partner will act on those temptations decreases significantly. Studies show that only 7% of cheating women and 8% of men cheated due to sexual dissatisfaction, the vast majority cheated either because a lack of emotional connection in the relationship or a combination of a lack of emotional and sexual connection in the relationship. It is clear from Jay Z‘s words that this was the case for him. He has shared how his experience from his childhood made him shut down emotionally, making it difficult to connect.
