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Beauty Pageant Minute: Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition Evening Gowns: The "Oh Huney!" List



Mermaid Madness, 1988 Dynasty Pouf's, a Stripper or a Pageant Contestant?...and a Peacock:






Miss Washington USA 2012 Christina Clarke: See below for my thoughts on her Pouf-and-Sequin Gown



Well Pageant Kids, in my last post, I wrote down all my "Nick Top Picks" from the Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition, which occurred two nights ago on Wednesday at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino, site of the Final LIVE Miss USA 2012 Telecast (which is Sunday night in case y'all forgot!). As a Pageant Fan, Fashion Designer, Red Carpet commentator and brother of a sister who has been in Pageants (The Miss Venezuela Pageant, no less!), I find it is my DUTY to speak of the FAB and also NOT SO FAB on this subject which is very near and dear to my heart. So, here are my "WHY Oh Why?", "Huney it's 2012 not 1988" and "Are You a Stripper or a Miss USA?" Picks--So, Enjoy and of course, feel free to let me know YOUR thoughts--



Is it Me or Is it 1988 All Over Again?






  Eighties Fab: "Knots Landing" Actress (and Fashion DIVA!) Donna Mills at the 1988 Golden Globe Awards (left photo) and Linda Evans, John Forsythe and Joan Collins of Dynasty (right)





These following ladies--as beautiful as they may be--fall under the category of "Oh Huney, What Were You Thinking?":







Miss Kentucky USA 2012 Amanda Mertz: This strapless very
fitted sequined applique bustier gown with red taffeta fitted-to-flare
"Mermaid" attached skirt was just too late 80's for me. I like the
shape of the gown-skirt but it's the UBER fitted/UBER boob-a-fied
sequined applique corset which instantly brings it into 1988 fashion
territory. If she's trying to do a "Sofia Vergara", she might want to
spend the big bucks and get the design teams of Vera Wang, Carolina
Herrera or Oscar de la Renta to help her...or at least get a designer to knock off one of those FAB Red Carpet looks.







Miss Washington USA 2012 Christina Clarke: Huney...what were you thinkin'? I could show this photo to someone and ask "What year is this from?" and the answer would be "Ummm, 1988!" Hands Down.  Miss Washington USA 2012 Christina Clarke is so pretty--just look at her! I just do not know how she could not have a Fashion Gay near her in the great State of Washington to help her and guide her something more chic, streamlined and modern!







Miss Florida USA 2012 Karina Brez: Oh Karina. The gown. Is. So. 1985. I am having Flashbacks of my Prom. All I want to do is give her a Corsage. Not only is the dress a mess (really, that high side slit was necessary?), the "Jersey Shore/Real Housewives of New Jersey" hair style, plus those platform stacked heels, plus the too-tight corset top section (hello rippling!), it all adds to well, not one of my favorites. Now, speaking of shoes...







Time for Sidebar #1: Those SHOES!



These...



Are Stripper heels NOT Pageant Evening Gown heels. Ladies. Learn the Difference. Please. Why can't you wear something closer to these:





I just do not understand. I understand the shoe sponsor for Miss USA is Chinese Laundry and Lord Knows I LOVE them, but I know they have some fabulous strappy and non-stripper stacked platform/heel shoes in their style Look Book that the contestants could have chosen from.









Now onto Sidebar #2: Stripper or Miss USA Winner:







The lovely--and beautiful ladies below are NOT strippers but in fact, Miss USA 2012 contestants:







While the Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition had plenty of too-high leg bearing slits and cha-cha-bearing plunging necklines, these two ladies were up there in my "Oh Huney" category. Miss Georgia USA 2012 Jasmyn "Jazz" Wilkins (on the left) in the white plunging neckline...AND...ULTRA high slit...AND backless...gown---and Miss District of Columbia USA 2012 Monique Tompkins (on the right) in her gold one-shoulder very high side slit number...are on my "Stripper or Miss USA Winner?" section. And if you have to ask me why, you have a Style Problem. I guess I am an old Pageant Fuddy-Duddy but...these are NOT Miss USA-winning gowns. These are dresses that will get a Rich Russian Billionaire to come back to your Vegas Hotel room. Just saying. But maybe they will prove me wrong on Sunday night and win the entire thing and get the HIGHEST EVENING GOWN POINTS EVAH!!!! We'll see...





 But the HOOCHIE Gown Title goes to...






Miss Texas USA 2012 Brittany Booker: First off, this woman is absolutely stunning--all 5' 11" of her! She's an AMAZON! I just cannot fathom why she would wear this nude sequined overlay over a strapless micro-mini dress to compete for the Miss USA pageant. Other than to get people talking...and not in a good way. The dress makes actual strippers jealous. I really wish this beautiful woman would have called by NIKOLAKI design studio and we might have provided her with an appropriate Miss USA gown.



Finally, my Favorite: Miss Peacock...





Miss Minnesota USA 2012 Nitaya Panemalaythong: Now, that is a GOWN. For the Miss Universe National Parade of Nations. Not for the Miss USA Preliminary Competition. I give her points for going there. It's very "Flora and Fauna" and Vegas Showgirl. She's obviously having a great time wearing it. But if a celeb wore this on the red carpet--she would have been SLAMMED in a not-so-nice way.







It is one thing to love Peacocks or be inspired by their color and beauty, but to actually try to make yourself INTO an actual Peacock...for the Miss USA Pageant no less....is just WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! (but I think I'd like to hit the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino bar with her!!!)



Sunday Night is the Miss USA 2012 LIVE Telecast and you know I will be watching and yes, the day after...reviewing my "Best" and "Hoochies" of the Evening Gown bunch...Happy Pageant Watching!!!


OLYMPIC STYLE.....Rio Olympics Opening Night Ceremony Fashion: My Favorites--and some Uh Oh's--of the Parade of Nations Outfits




Olympics Style: A collage of some of the Fashion at the Rio Olympics Opening Ceremony Parade of Nations





This past Friday night, Rio de Janeiro and the famed Maracana Stadium was home to the Opening Ceremonies of the Rio 2016 Summer Olympics. The spectacle featured over 6,000 volunteers, incredible Samba dancing and original digital 3-D imagery and strong influence of Brazil's rich cultural and ethnically diverse history as well as an obvious nod to the environment...Oh, and Brazilian supermodel Giselle Bundchen walked her (allegedly) final catwalk.








Rio 2016 Summer Olympics Opening Night Ceremony--Maracana Stadium Rio de Janeiro



So, since I love talking about FASHION and I also LOVE a good Parade of Nations (Hello Miss Universe!!), I wanted to do a recap here of my favorite fashions and looks from the Rio Olympics Opening Night Ceremony Parade of Nations. Usually, this is one of the BIG HIGHLIGHTS for me when watching the Olympics; it's a lesson in geography, fashion, local style, and ethnicity/population. I remember being a young kid seeing past Parade of Nations, learning what people from Comoros look like, for example, or enjoying the great traditional costumes worn by the African or Asian nations in particular. So...with all that in mind, here are my Favorite Fashions from Friday night's Rio Olympics Parade of Nations--including some of the Traditional ones. I am also giving "Special mentions" to Fab Flag Bearers and one Hottie McHottie from Tonga!



Let's begin with my Top Fave (and then the rest are in no particular order):





Indonesia: Seriously! When Indonesia's Rio Olympics delegation walked into the stadium and led by this man in his fabulous red-and-white ensemble...and flanked by a male and female SUPER-fabulously dressed in traditional costume...well, I just about screamed to the TV "You Go Indonesia!" First off, naturally, I adored the traditional costumes. So wonderfully done, festive, and perfect for the occasion. I also loved the "uniform" of the red-and-white jacket and bright red pants. The color is bold and perfect to be seen from the nose bleed seats and I give props to the fact that the print in the jacket miters and perfectly matches down the center front. That is COUTURE DAHLINGSSS!!!





Canada: Love the colors (of course--red and white). But I especially like the very bold Maple Leaf and "Canada" lettering in the back of each jacket. So well done, and again, very visible from the nose-bleed seats. This is SOOOOO important when thinking about designing what the Olympic athletes are to wear. You would think this was a no-brainer but some nations--and their uniform designers--completely forgot about that (I am talking to you Germany and New Zealand).





Serbia: I thought these blue, white, red and black looks from the athletes representing the nation of Serbia were quite chic. I liked the outfit for the women especially, which consisted of a navy cropped/bolero jacket, a white top and striped maxi skirt. These ladies look like they could easily belong in the South of France on a yacht. Note to France: You should feel ashamed because these should have been YOUR uniforms (as opposed to the boring Lacoste ones!); and easily could have been because of the similar colors. And I especially love the espadrilles! Fashionista Alert: Serbian Olympics Athletes are more fashionable than their French counterparts. Ooh La La! 







Croatia: OK, I know, Croatia ALWAYS does this--the red and white checkered print; it's their thing of course. Just take a look at their flag! So, yes, even though they have "been there/done that', I still give them credit for making it work via a cool zip-up track jacket/bomber and points for continuing to utilize the checkered coat-of-arms print since well, you can see it (repeat after me!) FROM THE NOSE BLEED SEATS!





Norway: I liked Norway's fun and sporty red, white and blue looks. Their ensembles featured a printed track jacket (cool print by the way!), a horizontally striped polo, white shorts and a baseball cap. This was a great use of a bold print, and keeping their athletes cool in shorts yet at the same time, looking all very unified. PS: Where can I buy that track jacket!!?? I sooooo want it; I can work that with skinny jeans!





Jamaica: We know Jamaica's Olympic athletes would be outfitted by Puma and that it would probably be the colors of the country's flag. And we were right on all counts. I liked their SUPER bold neon highlighter yellow track jackets and joggers/leggings and shorts looks. Once again, a wonderful use of BRIGHT colors to bring attention to them and be seen from those cheap, cheap, cheap seats at the top (probably not so cheap for the Opening Night!).





Puerto Rico: Me encanta! Great colors (red, white and blue, of course!) on Puerto Rico's Olympic athletes. The jacket and red pants/skirt combo are muy bien. But I especially love that some of their female athletes got to wear this shirt collared hi-lo "tent/baby doll" top (Right). Oh and every person wearing a stylish straw hat...The U.S. island territory may be broke but their Rio Olympics Parade of Nations fashion are SUPER RICH mija!





Spain: One word: Ole! The colors of blood red, SUPER navy blue and white--perfectly bold! Love the hats and the fun yellow-and-red Spanish flag belts. I especially loved seeing some of the Spanish ladies showing off their abanicos (fans). Oh and yes, Rafael Nadal looked kinda cute (I don't usually think so--sorry Rafa fanaticos!) except for maybe looking a little too tan-a-rific but then again, who am I to judge a deep dark tan.





South Korea: South Korea unveiled these Zika-proof uniforms several months back and I liked them! They were, yes, very "uniform-y" but classy and prep-school looking. I admire the fact that every man was wearing a tie and the ladies donned their printed scarves. Nice hats too!







People's Republic of China: Great colors and very put-together looks. I want one of those SUPER BRIGHT red jackets...like NOW! And I also liked the canary yellow ones worn by the women. This is another example of designers/sportswear companies using bright bold colors to have their athletes be noticed from afar. Well done. The mens ties are pretty cool too!





Barbados: Love the super bright highlighter yellow blazers and royal blue pants on the women. Barbados may have had a small contingency but they were powerful with their color-bold styles.





Portugal: Jeans? At the Olympics? Well, yes! I'm including Portugal's Eurotrash Fab looks of jeans and a blazer look here because I love them! Very sporty but still chic.





Bermuda: Bermuda HAD to show their athletes in Bermuda shorts, after all! They all looked very nice. Caribbean Prep School Chic.







Great Britain: I liked the uniforms and fashion worn by Great Britain's athletes at the Rio Olympics Parade of Nations. It was very sporty yet still subdued chic. If you notice, they were all wearing a cotton trench. Naturally: They are from the United Kingdom! I also had to add a photo of the back of those aforementioned trench coats: take a look at those crests! Representin' Great Britain!





Australia: I liked Australia's seersucker notched-lapel jackets and white pants/skirt looks. They were very WASPY for sure but I liked how polished they all looked.







USA: Speaking of WASPY...The Americans took the "WASPY Fashion Award" at the Rio Olympics Parade of Nations with these Ralph Lauren Polo designs. I know that some people have criticized their too East Coast Upper Class Prepster looks but I like them! Check out those Ralph Lauren Polo Team USA boat shoes. They're $350! (Yikes!).







Not-so-Mucheey-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Brazil: I wish Brazil would have done a little bit more with what their Olympic athletes wore to the Rio Olympics Parade of Nations. It was a bit of a let-down but...I did like the printed dresses (or is it a top and a skirt?) and the fun hats. Other than that, they all looked like flight attendants for a budget Brazilian airline.





Germany: Oh Germany. Can you say "Bland" in German? What the heck are these looks? Not only are they bland, they are style-boring and quite bad. Let's just discuss the outfit: a wine colored top, a GRAY skirt, black leggings, and a silver/gray plastic raincoat. And that is what the ladies wore. The men just wore a black track jacket, white t-shirt and black joggers. YAWN...





No Style Germany. I just do not understand who approved this and why. I don't think that people sitting in the SECOND ROW could even see them! A major Olympic Fashion Fail. The only good thing about this entire outfit were the shoes. And that is it. These get the Auf Wiedersehen from me!





Sweden: When I first saw the Swedish Olympics athletes, I was intrigued by its flag bearer Therese Alshammar and her H & M designed hi-lo blue and yellow striped zip-up hooded dress. It was kind of fab in a Sporty Couture sort of way. But then...





Oh No Sweden: My eyes began focusing on what the rest of the Swedish team was wearing. The worst fashion offender was the design for the women. Take a look at those canary yellow tops and skirts worn with knee-high socks. Bless. Their. Swedish. Hearts. Unflattering and badly designed. Maybe they should just stick to making cheap furniture for college kids.





Traditional Olympic Couture Fab-------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Burundi: Go on Burundi! I loved the men in their traditional ensembles! (look at those printed robes/dresses and white satin cape/shawls!) and the women in their brightly printed one-shoulder draped looks...just FABULOUS!









Mali: Kaftan Fashion...epitomized by the Mali Olympic contingency. I love these Mali kaftans--or boubou full length tunics--the perfectly ivory looks stand out and I especially love the decorative trim on the women's and men's yokes





Mauritania: Speaking of kaftans...I also loved the looks seen on Mauritania's Rio Olympic athletes. The Haasaniya/Mulafa dresses worn by the women and long white tunics/kaftans worn by the men were quite impressive.







Madagascar: This African East Indian Ocean island nation's Olympic representatives looked quite nice in their striped Malagasy looks finished off with straw hats and draped shawls.





 Malaysia: Great pumpkin orange color and love the beautiful print of the wrap skirts.





Cambodia: Cambodia's Olympic representatives went with purple and very chic semi-traditional Khmer ensembles. The peplum'ed jackets and wrap skirt looks are quite stylish.



Flag Fashion Divas and Divos------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Marshall Islands: Flag bearer for the Marshall Islands Mathlynn  Sasser (she's a weight lifter!) wore a traditional red-and-wheat colored straw costume. And she looked quite festive!





Chile: Erika Olivera held the Chilean flag wearing a traditional Chilean ensemble consisting of the cropped bolero jacket, long skirt and ruffled top and underskirt. The entire design did look a little "polyester-y" but I appreciated how she paid homage to her culture in this.





Turkmenistan: This very tall and very skinny young man--Merdan Atayev--is a swimmer from Turkmenistan. And boy do I love his ensemble--especially that fur hat and embroidered-trim coat!





Kazakhstan: The Kazakhstan flag bearers at the Olympics are known to always look quite Traditional Fab. And this young man was no exception.







 Tuvalu: Printed shirt, flower headdress and multi printed overskirt. Check. Check and Check.







New Zealand: New Zealand did a miserable job in terms of what their Olympics athletes wore at the Rio Olympics Parade of Nations (here's a hint: it's all black with a little bit of blue!). Heck, The Air New Zealand flight attendants uniforms are TWENTY TIMES more Fashion Fabulous! Anyhow, I still had to give props to their flag bearers Peter Burling and Blair Tuke (first time TWO flag bearers would do this for New Zealand) who wore these gorgeous Maori Kakahu cloaks.







 And my SHAMELESS MALE PULCHRITUDE Hottie McHottie Award goes to-------------------







Tonga: Pita Taufatofua, a Taekwondo athlete, was Tonga's flag bearer. He's half Tongan and part Australian/British. And he's very muscle-y and hunk-y hunk-y. He lives in Brisbane, Australia and...He also STOLE MY HEART. Wearing almost nothing. God Bless Tonga. And Pita.


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