SASHES AND TIARAS.....Miss USA 2017 Preliminaries GOWNS: The OH DEAR List!

SASHES AND TIARAS.....Miss USA 2017 Preliminaries GOWNS: The OH DEAR List!

Too-Mucheey Meets Disney Prom: Contestants who made "Uh Oh" Gown Choices--Miss USA 2017 Preliminary Competition, Mandalay Bay Events Center Las Vegas

If you are a Pageant Fan, you may know that it's Miss USA 2017 time! The finals are happening Sunday night, televised live on FOX. In my last post HERE, I wrote about my Top Ten Best Gowns from the Miss USA 2017 Preliminary Competition, which occurred Thursday night in the Mandalay Bay Events Center in the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino Las Vegas. So naturally, now it's time to discuss my Not-So Top Ten List of Uh Oh/Could Have Been Better Gowns of the night.  These ladies chose gowns (or had their "Pageant Glam Squad Team" choose these gowns for them...unfortunately) which for more than one reason, might not have been the best of choices.

Flame Retardant, Prom-a-Licious, Spanx-Revealing, Star Trek Flanges: "Oh Dear" Gals at Miss USA 2017 Preliminary Evening Gown Competition--Mandalay Bay Events Center Las Vegas

Once again, my critiques are based on a FASHION perspective, as well as the obvious knowledge that these gown should have some (and I am hesitant to highlight "some") "Pageant" qualities--in terms of stage presence, impact, etc. I want these ladies to move beyond the typical "Pageant Betty" gowns and 1998-looking dresses and well, be a little more stylish, directional, fashion-forward...Would Charlize Theron wear this to the Academy Awards is a question I ask in my mind. Well, the answer to all those questions were "Oh No!"...

Let's take a look at my Not-So-Top Ten Uh Oh Gowns of Miss USA 2017 Preliminaries:

Miss Kentucky USA Madelynne Myers: Oh Madelynne! She is so pretty and tall (5' 9") and she looks very sweet but...she chooses a 1992-looking "Prom-a-licious" gown that makes her look like a extra in a remake of "Wedding Singer". Three words: Bless Her Heart. The gown is a strapless dress with sequin bustier and satin taffeta pouf skirt. It's adequate for a Quinceañera but huney: NEWS FLASH!! It's MISS USA!! I could chalk it up to being a low-level state pageant but...it's MISS KENTUCKY!!! Surely, someone there can come up with $5,000 for a fab red carpet-worth stylish gown! Or maybe not. Score: 6.25

Miss Oregon USA Elizabeth Denny: Continuing with our Prom theme...I introduce you to Miss Oregon USA Elizabeth Denny. She wore this baby blue iridescent organza (two words that SHOULD NOT come near any Pageant Girl!) off-the-shoulder gown. Once again, she's such a pretty woman and it is a pretty dress...for a Disney Debutante Ball. But not for Miss USA 2017! The fabric alone looks so flammable that I am very scared for her coming close to any stage lighting apparatus! Score: 6.89

Miss Minnesota USA Meredith Gould: Here is another example of very pretty contestant...bad choice of gown. And I am using the term "gown" loosely, since this white flower applique design is actually a jumpsuit (yes kids, there are pants under there!) with an overskirt as well as some sort of sequined body-suit/leotard with neck-piece on it. Try and figure out all those words I just described. I am sure the designer was trying to go for a Zuhair Murad Haute Couture red carpet moment like this:

But it didn't happen. This was a mess on Victoria's Secret Brazilian Supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio (above) and it was a mess on Miss Minnesota USA 2017. Score: 6.90

Miss Mississippi USA Ashley Hamby: Ashley Hamby wore this silver sequined gown on Thursday night's all-important Miss USA 2017 Preliminaries. The gown was sexy and "Jazz Hands" impacting but, it was two seconds from being Too Tacky-licious. More importantly, my eyes hurt from seeing the straps literally SQUISHING her "sistahs"/breasts. It was like "Don't look here but...yeah PLEASE LOOK HERE!!". I don't wanna look anywhere. Score: 6.98

Miss Iowa USA Kelsey Weier: When Miss Iowa USA walked out in this blue gown, all I could say was "FLANGES!!!" In case you might not have attended fashion school or know fashion terminology, a flange, is a piece of fabric/detail in a garment that projects out of the design. Usually, it is seen on shoulders and usually, it was a VERY 80's/early 90's kind of detail. And lo and behold, here it is. In a Miss USA 2017 gown. In addition to those very unappealing flanges on her shoulders, the dress has a plunging neckline, sequin applique and naturally, a crystal studded waist. This is a FLANGE mess. Score: 7.00

Miss Oklahoma USA Alex Smith: Miss Oklahoma USA has ended up in my "Not-So-Top Ten of Oh Dear Gowns from the Miss USA 2017 Preliminaries mainly because of that stand-up Portrait Collar in her gown. When she came out onto the stage I was "Oh she's so pretty...but why does she look SHORT NECKED??!!" Why would anyone in their right mind want to make themselves look as if they had a short neck...or no neck at all?? This was a very late 1950's/60's Jackie O-like detail that never really translated into the aughts. This was a gown misstep on Alex's part. And it didn't help that the rest--the white Bridal-looking lace style--wasn't fashionable or impacting at all. Score: 7.15

Miss Pennsylvania USA Cassandra Angst: First off, Cassandra has to be one of the most beautiful contestants in this year's Miss USA. She gives a red-haired Stefania Fernandez Miss Venezuela/Miss Universe vibe. I was really looking forward to a fabulous gown but this wasn't it. She wore an off-the-shoulder iridescent white and see-through dress that featured a visible under bodysuit and jeweled sequins. I LOVED the jeweled sequins. And the shape of the dress was fine. But why all the see-through??? And then, those TACKY nude platform pumps. She went from Rita Hayworth Gorg to Hoochie Pageant...in a hot minute! Score: 7.25

Miss Maine USA Brooke Harris: Brooke ended up here in my "Oh Dear!" Gown List because this design she wore for the Miss USA 2017 Preliminaries was inelegant. I get the whole transparent trend but...here it just looked as if I was seeing her Spanx. And I wasn't supposed to. I liked the whole golden/blush sequined gown style but it was the too-much see-through that did it for me. The fabrication is gorgeous but the design wasn't. That, and those tacky nude platform pumps. Such a pretty woman but she looked like she should be on a "Real Housewives of Atlanta" Reunion. Score: 7.28

Miss California USA India Williams: The gorgeous India Williams is SIX FEET TALL!!! And so beautiful...and she chooses this?? I just don't get it. This white sequined gown is OK but so dated and does not highlight her fabulous beauty and height. The criss-cross crystals are distracting and the crystal waist detail is too low and why is there a neckband?? It's too safe and not-fashion-y and looks (EEEK!) store-bought. At least it was the correct length. I would have DIED if she busted out in something like this:

Binibining Pilipnas 2017 contestant and Binibining Pilipinas Grand International 2017 Elizabeth Clenci 

But, alas, she did not. And therefore, India and her gown are in my Bottom Ten List. Score: 7.35



Finally...

Miss Michigan USA Krista Ferguson: Speaking of neckband...and platform pumps...Oh Miss Krista. Yet another pretty girl choosing a tacky gown and in addition, who was styled poorly. The gown--a nude/golden sequined dress, featured sleeves (very popular), cut-out midriff , a super high side front slit, crystal neckband and (yes, there's more!), silver platform pumps! It was just TOO MUCHEEY and the taste level of the entire look would have made Nina Garcia of "Project Runway" scream obscenities in Spanish. Score: 7.40



Let's hope that if some of these ladies make it to the Top Ten of the Finals of Miss USA 2017, they change their gowns. We'll see!

Beauty Pageant Minute: Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition Evening Gowns: The "Oh Huney!" List

Beauty Pageant Minute: Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition Evening Gowns: The "Oh Huney!" List

Mermaid Madness, 1988 Dynasty Pouf's, a Stripper or a Pageant Contestant?...and a Peacock:

Miss Washington USA 2012 Christina Clarke: See below for my thoughts on her Pouf-and-Sequin Gown

Well Pageant Kids, in my last post, I wrote down all my "Nick Top Picks" from the Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition, which occurred two nights ago on Wednesday at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino, site of the Final LIVE Miss USA 2012 Telecast (which is Sunday night in case y'all forgot!). As a Pageant Fan, Fashion Designer, Red Carpet commentator and brother of a sister who has been in Pageants (The Miss Venezuela Pageant, no less!), I find it is my DUTY to speak of the FAB and also NOT SO FAB on this subject which is very near and dear to my heart. So, here are my "WHY Oh Why?", "Huney it's 2012 not 1988" and "Are You a Stripper or a Miss USA?" Picks--So, Enjoy and of course, feel free to let me know YOUR thoughts--



Is it Me or Is it 1988 All Over Again?

  Eighties Fab: "Knots Landing" Actress (and Fashion DIVA!) Donna Mills at the 1988 Golden Globe Awards (left photo) and Linda Evans, John Forsythe and Joan Collins of Dynasty (right)

These following ladies--as beautiful as they may be--fall under the category of "Oh Huney, What Were You Thinking?":

Miss Kentucky USA 2012 Amanda Mertz: This strapless very
fitted sequined applique bustier gown with red taffeta fitted-to-flare
"Mermaid" attached skirt was just too late 80's for me. I like the
shape of the gown-skirt but it's the UBER fitted/UBER boob-a-fied
sequined applique corset which instantly brings it into 1988 fashion
territory. If she's trying to do a "Sofia Vergara", she might want to
spend the big bucks and get the design teams of Vera Wang, Carolina
Herrera or Oscar de la Renta to help her...or at least get a designer to knock off one of those FAB Red Carpet looks.

Miss Washington USA 2012 Christina Clarke: Huney...what were you thinkin'? I could show this photo to someone and ask "What year is this from?" and the answer would be "Ummm, 1988!" Hands Down.  Miss Washington USA 2012 Christina Clarke is so pretty--just look at her! I just do not know how she could not have a Fashion Gay near her in the great State of Washington to help her and guide her something more chic, streamlined and modern!

Miss Florida USA 2012 Karina Brez: Oh Karina. The gown. Is. So. 1985. I am having Flashbacks of my Prom. All I want to do is give her a Corsage. Not only is the dress a mess (really, that high side slit was necessary?), the "Jersey Shore/Real Housewives of New Jersey" hair style, plus those platform stacked heels, plus the too-tight corset top section (hello rippling!), it all adds to well, not one of my favorites. Now, speaking of shoes...

Time for Sidebar #1: Those SHOES!



These...

Are Stripper heels NOT Pageant Evening Gown heels. Ladies. Learn the Difference. Please. Why can't you wear something closer to these:

I just do not understand. I understand the shoe sponsor for Miss USA is Chinese Laundry and Lord Knows I LOVE them, but I know they have some fabulous strappy and non-stripper stacked platform/heel shoes in their style Look Book that the contestants could have chosen from.

Now onto Sidebar #2: Stripper or Miss USA Winner:

The lovely--and beautiful ladies below are NOT strippers but in fact, Miss USA 2012 contestants:

While the Miss USA 2012 Preliminary Competition had plenty of too-high leg bearing slits and cha-cha-bearing plunging necklines, these two ladies were up there in my "Oh Huney" category. Miss Georgia USA 2012 Jasmyn "Jazz" Wilkins (on the left) in the white plunging neckline...AND...ULTRA high slit...AND backless...gown---and Miss District of Columbia USA 2012 Monique Tompkins (on the right) in her gold one-shoulder very high side slit number...are on my "Stripper or Miss USA Winner?" section. And if you have to ask me why, you have a Style Problem. I guess I am an old Pageant Fuddy-Duddy but...these are NOT Miss USA-winning gowns. These are dresses that will get a Rich Russian Billionaire to come back to your Vegas Hotel room. Just saying. But maybe they will prove me wrong on Sunday night and win the entire thing and get the HIGHEST EVENING GOWN POINTS EVAH!!!! We'll see...

 But the HOOCHIE Gown Title goes to...

Miss Texas USA 2012 Brittany Booker: First off, this woman is absolutely stunning--all 5' 11" of her! She's an AMAZON! I just cannot fathom why she would wear this nude sequined overlay over a strapless micro-mini dress to compete for the Miss USA pageant. Other than to get people talking...and not in a good way. The dress makes actual strippers jealous. I really wish this beautiful woman would have called by NIKOLAKI design studio and we might have provided her with an appropriate Miss USA gown.



Finally, my Favorite: Miss Peacock...

Miss Minnesota USA 2012 Nitaya Panemalaythong: Now, that is a GOWN. For the Miss Universe National Parade of Nations. Not for the Miss USA Preliminary Competition. I give her points for going there. It's very "Flora and Fauna" and Vegas Showgirl. She's obviously having a great time wearing it. But if a celeb wore this on the red carpet--she would have been SLAMMED in a not-so-nice way.

It is one thing to love Peacocks or be inspired by their color and beauty, but to actually try to make yourself INTO an actual Peacock...for the Miss USA Pageant no less....is just WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! (but I think I'd like to hit the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino bar with her!!!)



Sunday Night is the Miss USA 2012 LIVE Telecast and you know I will be watching and yes, the day after...reviewing my "Best" and "Hoochies" of the Evening Gown bunch...Happy Pageant Watching!!!

London Summer Olympics 2012: Opening Ceremony Uniforms of the World--The Fab, Good, and Oh Dear!

London Summer Olympics 2012: Opening Ceremony Uniforms of the World--The Fab, Good, and Oh Dear!

London 2012 Parade of Nations Fashionistas

This past Friday were the much-awaited London 2012 Olympics Opening Ceremony, officially signaling the start of the 2012 London Olympics of course. I was in NY on business and watched it at my hotel. I always love watching the Olympics Opening Ceremony for the fabulous spectacle that it always is (Can you say BEIJING!!!). This time around British filmmaker, Danny Boyle (of "Slumdog Millionaire" fame) was placed as the Artistic Director of the London 2012 Opening Ceremony and he put on a fabulous show, taking audiences on a beautifully chaotic
journey through many iconic moments in British history, music, and literature. While the show itself wasn't Beijing jaw-dropping incredible (it's hard to top that darlings!), the Boyle
opening ceremony made for an awe-inspiring beginning to the world’s most
legendary event.

Face Dress: The girls who held the names of the respective nations of the world, all wore these A line-shaped dresses featuring a photo of London 2012 Olympics volunteers--and sensible shoes.



But for me--as a fashion designer and fashion-watcher of sorts--what I most look forward to is the

Parade of Nations and the countries uniforms and "costumes". Here are some of my choices for the Fashion Fab, the Fashion Good" and the  "Oh Dear!" from the 2012 London Summer Olympics Parade of Nations, all sectioned by the separate "areas" and/or continents of the world:



Europe:

The Netherlands: I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these uniforms. For me, these were one of the best of all the 204 countries. They were designed by Suitsupply and Kudos to them! The colors were GREAT and noticeable from the nose-bleed seats in the stadium I am sure (I wasn't there so I wouldn't know, but I can only assume). The neon orange trench coat (I want ONE!), the matching pants, the dark blazers with white piping, the royal blue dresses. Oh, and to finish it all off, each uniform/outfit had a large tulip in its lapel. How do you say FABULOUS in Dutch? The look was chic, upper class trust funder from a very WASPY college. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade:  A

Belgium: I love any uniform that looks like they should be on some FAB flight attendants. And Belgium's uniforms fit the bill to a "T". They're  sexy, fashionable, and cheeky. Pop of color: check. Sleek styling: check. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: A

Czech Republic: OK, I am just not sure what Wellies, umbrellas, bedazzled-trimmed blazers with contrast lining and printed cropped leggings or white shorts has to do with the Czech Republic. I assume the rain boots and umbrellas were some sort of a nod to London and it's sometimes rainy weather. Nevertheless, there are so many things going on in these "uniforms" that it's almost as if their theme was "Tacky Tourist". For that, they get a Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: C+ (they get points for "kookiness")

Germany: Things I like: the bright baby blue and "Barbie pink" colors. We can certainly spot them from a mile away. But then the nylon puffy zip-up jackets seem a bit "Fall/Winter" for me and along with the white pants, do not really scream "Germany" (save the hats with the German flag colors). These uniforms look more appropriate for the crew of the Princess Cruises. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: C

Sweden: The fact that they could somehow transform the Swedish flag into a rugby shirt is fashion-commendable. One can certainly not confuse these kids with any other country that's for sure. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: B-

Denmark: First off, the Danish are BEAUTIFUL! They all look like Nordic Gene Studies in Pretty. They all kind of look related. And well, the fact that all the women and all the men wore THE SAME outfits did not help the matter. They all look like they are either part of "The Sound of Music" von Trapp family...or flight attendants for EasyJet. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: B-

Spain: Oh España!! Their bright red and yellow uniforms caused a bit of a controversy when they were revealed and especially when several of the country's Olympic athletes began tweeting photos of their outfits with commentary such as "Can You Believe the CRAZY outfit we have to wear??? #UniformFail" (in Spanish of course). At first glance they looked like McDonalds employees. But when they walked the Opening Ceremony on Friday, the outfits didn't look so bad. The fan-shaped purses and scarves are OK and the women had these cute red rose headbands--very "Bizet's Carmen". Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: B-

Great Britain: Congrats London and Congrats Great Britain for getting the 2012 Summer Games. However, I can't even say anything nice about these getup's. Fashion designer Stella McCartney worked with Adidas to design the sporting gear and
"village wear" (lounge wear) for Britain's home team. I'm not sure who designed these but they should be fired. These were BAAD. They were white tracksuits featuring cropped pants, tops and jackets with tacky gold mylar-looking accents and collars. I can see these looks at the Lunch Buffet on a cruise but NOT at the Olympics Opening Ceremony. What a fail for the host nation and the British athletes. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: D



Asia:

India: I'm a sucker for a FAB Sari. So, they had me at Namaste. The bright canary yellow color of the women's saris and the turbans of the men, contrasted with the dark jackets made for a great visual display at Friday night's London 2012 Opening Ceremony. One of my Top Parade of Nations looks. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: A

Malaysia: Three words: I Love It. Just look at those colors, those hats (songkok), the sarong-style overskirts (sampin) on the men...oh, and did I mention the women also looked great! THIS, is why I LOVE watching the Olympics Parade of Nations. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: A



North and Central America, Caribbean:

Mexico: I mean SERIOUSLY. Mexico. You are SLAYING me with this! Absolutely Fab. It is so over-the-top, so-kitschy, so "Am I at El Coyote's Restaurant in LA?" that I feel as if someone will pull some  nachos with guacamole any minute now from their sombreros or colorful sarapes. I know many of you won't like these looks, but I love the fact that they really "went for it". Viva Mejico! Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: A-

Belize: Well done Belize. Sleek, crisp and chic, sportif. They look like well-heeled members of an exclusive country club. For a small Central American nation, you done did well, kids! For that, I give them my Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: A

Trinidad and Tobago: This Caribbean nation is here because of those FAB red with diagonal stripes wrap dresses on the ladies. I just wish the sleeves were not so long and the length didn't look so dowdy, but other that that, they get a Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: B-

Jamaica: Cedella Marley for Puma designed Jamaica's uniforms and they are some of the most stylish of the Parade of Nations bunch. Neon yellow, apple greens, and black (the flag's colors) combined with a unique print plus the on-trend color blocking and sleek athletic silhouettes make for great ensembles. Puma knows EXACTLY what it is doing. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: A

Canada: Khaki pants, sneakers and a zip-up jacket isn't really that creative when it comes to uniforms, especially when compared to say what INDIA came up with...however, I do give Canada points for how matchy-matchy they are (in a good way) and the fact that you could never be in doubt of WHERE these kids are from (Hello, can you READ??). Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: B-

USA: A lot has already been said over the PR kerfuffle committed by the Ralph Lauren company for having the US Olympic Uniforms manufactured in China. It was a big PR #Fail for Mr. Lauren. But, as we all know, if they were made in the US, these uniforms would have probably cost Ralph Lauren and the US Olympic Committee FIVE to TEN times as much so that is why the turned to China. Next time, they just need to eat the cost. I am sure billion-dollar rich Ralph Lauren can take it. Nevertheless, yes, it was still an "Oops" moment. With that being said, I kinda liked these uniforms. They were clean, sharp and gave a slight nod to English prep schools and English Savile Row tailoring and of course, had the red, white, and blue of the US flag. To me, the only negative--style-wise, would be the berets and cut of the women's skirts which was not flattering on all body types. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: B



Africa:

Nigeria: I loved these uniforms from the Nigerian Olympic representatives. The ensembles highlighted traditional Nigerian dress for both the men and women. They were festive and elegant and featured the colors of the nation's flag--green and ivory. Naturally, for me, my standouts were the women and those fitted gowns and draped and wrapped headdresses. And when they entered the auditorium dancing...well, I gave them a Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: A

Senegal: You cannot go wrong with bright canary yellow. Look at those great suit dresses on the women and the kaftans on the men...I need one, like NOW! (the kaftan) I wished the women's headdresses were more "Miss Universe Parade of Nations" over-the-top though. Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: A-

Cameroon: These colorful robes and tunics from the Cameroon group stood out for me for its traditional and folkloric extravagance. I only fault them when it came to the consistency of their footwear (the one in the white socks and Pumas got my "Fashion Fail" vote). Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: B+



Middle East:

Oman: The men wore traditional Omani robes (dishdasha) and headdresses (muzzar and kummar) which is fine but who really stands out is that woman in the royal blue with gold trimmed traditional ensemble. She ROCKS! Parade of Nations Fashion Grade: B



The Fashion Miss and Mr. Hottie of the London 2012 Summer Olympics Opening Ceremony Are: 

Paraguay: Take a look at her! Paraguayan athlete Leryn Franco (she specializes in the javelin throw) is WORKING her cap-sleeved wrap dress, above-the-knee and more importantly, THAT plunging neckline. And need I add that she's GORGEOUS! She became a HUGE internet sensation during the 2008 Beijing Olympics and well, her stock is still WAY up after Friday night's appearance. She stole the "World's Sexiest Athlete" show. Even in those sensible ballet flats she could still STEAL YOUR HUSBAND. She wins my unofficial "Miss London Summer Olympics Parade of Nations Hottie".

Fiji: Finally, I have to give a title to a man. And boy is this A MAN. When the Parade of Nations happened on Friday and they got to the F's and Fiji came up, I could not focus for TEN minutes after that. This is who was holding the flag: 5' 9" tall Hottie McHottie Josateki Naulu, a Judo Olympic Athlete. Look at that body, the arms, the chest, the abs. Only Josateki could make wearing a grass skirt look SO manly. I wonder if he realizes that after Friday night's appearance, he will soon be the Poster Boy for Every Gay Hot-and-Sexy Body Blog. Mr. Naulu, you sir, are my "Mr. London Summer Olympics Parade of Nations Hottie"



Happy Summer Olympics!!!